It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
