I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
