she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
