There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
