I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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