Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
