I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your cock deserves a montage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
