Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
