You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
