found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
