hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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