college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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