Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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