Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
