i think my mom watched the whole time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
