were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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