I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
