so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
