At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize