I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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