Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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