Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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