I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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