i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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