There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
