where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
