We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
