yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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