Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
