Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
