there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
