what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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