so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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