my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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