No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
