Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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