everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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