yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
