The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
