Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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