but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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