I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
