So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
