he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
