I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
