im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
