Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
