To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize