"it" just moved
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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