The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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