do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
