you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
