fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He better not be in your backpack
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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