i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
