You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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