im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
