I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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