Her vagina should come with caution tape.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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