I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my shit smells like andre
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
