my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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