I cockslap morals
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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