I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
