I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
