Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
