Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
