when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
