Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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