Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize