May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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