Someone shit on the floor
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize