Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
