I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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