We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
