Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
